Day first

12:50
Its not so hard now as i expected, cause i deleted our conversation, so i cant see on mobile how many minutes ago you were online. Which i check usually like every minute. I was thinking about what i will say to you when the story will end. I had some really nice words, but i forgot it in this moment.
I hurt by some stupid words my husband few days ago and he was really sad. I realised, that i dont want to hurt him anymore untill im SURE i want to leave him. But i dont now. And i dont want to leave him because of other man, but because of my reasons. Now i just want to see him happy. And be part of him again. But this also means that i have to loose you. So i will. I have to.
Im pretty sure that i wont write you today. And i think you wont write me too. Untill the midnight. Cause i want to wish you happy new year. I know it will be so hard.... But i have to quit this whole madness.
We dont have future. Its just simple.
You know me as free person, but im not at all alone by myself. I have A., which is a part of me for ever. You dont know, how i act in "normal" life. You could even not like this girl. I am so different in many situations..
I guess i wrote everything with clear mind now. What will come next - i dont know. I just know, that loosing you will be the hardest thing ive ever done. But i have to. Cause i dont want to make you "the second man", i want to make you free and able to love someone, who will be better for you.
You deserve someone, who will love you as number one man. Forever.

I really love you, and thats why i have to let you go.